Goodbye Pain, Hello Happiness
by anangelslament
Summary: Someone is given life or death news and thinks suicide is the answer to their problem.


**Suicide**

"What? What do you mean I have HIV? That's impossible!" the young man wailed.

"Your blood tests have shown that you are positive. I'm sorry."

Angel just sat there in disbelief, so many thoughts running threw his mind. "How could this happen? I've always been so careful. I never would have thought that he. . ."

"Mr. Dumott Schunard?"

"Yes? I'm sorry."

"Would you like a moment alone?"

"Yes. Please."

Angel's mind raced with the who, what, whys, when, and where's. His biggest concern was about telling his parents. His father barely spoke to him as it was since he came out and his mother's reactions were never quite what one expected.

The doctor came back in after a few minutes. "Is everything ok?"

"To be perfectly honest, no. Everything is not alright. I'm dying and you've given me all of five minutes to think about it." Angel bowed his head and silently began to sob.

"I once heard someone say that every moment we live we are another step closer to death, which is true when you think about it. You're going no sooner or later then intended. Now I know this is a lot to digest in such a short amount of time and at the moment time seems like the enemy but it is with time you will learn to cope with this illness."

Angel's head perked up at the thought and he let out a little sigh. A single tear rolled down his cheek.

"I'm here to help you as much as possible. At the moment we have numerous matters to discuss. Are you alright to continue?"

He nodded and the doctor began to ramble off about medication, therapy and the many other things Angel could do to begin his life with this illness.

The walk home to Angel's tiny apartment felt like an eternity and he was glad to open the door and just sink into bed. "Here I am," he thought. "Barely into my twenties and facing the end of my life. What am I going to do? My parents would never understand. This will be worse then when I told them I was gay and a cross dresser to boot! Life can only go downhill from here. What do I do?"

He turned on his side and curled into the fetal position under the covers sinking into the deepest depression of his life and contemplating what to do. The bathroom door was ajar and the familiar glint of his razor on the sink's edge caught his eye. Could that be the key to his happiness? He thought it over for a moment and decided it was a drastic change but death was imminent and who cared if it happened sooner rather than later. The thought took hold and he crawled out of bed and trudged into the bathroom. He picked up the razor and studied it as he held it up to the light. Slowly it came down upon his wrist and with one quick flick blood began to bead upon his mocha skin. Oddly enough this felt good, getting rid of the problem, ridding himself of his cursed blood. Another swift flick, more blood, drops dripping onto the cool tile floor. There was a knock on the door but it was ignored, Angel's mind was set on one thing and one thing alone.

Mimi opened the door with her key and called. "Angel? It's me. How'd the doctor go? Angel?"

She searched the minuscule apartment to find her best friend on the bathroom floor half way to unconsciousness. "Oh my God! Angel, baby, are you ok? What did you do? Why is there all this blood? Angel?"

Angel was no longer coherent enough to speak. Mimi managed to stay calm and collected enough to wrap up his wrist and call 911. She waited and held him, praying to God that he would not take him away.

The ambulance arrived just before Angel completely passed out. Mimi could still not believe all the blood from the few tiny cuts. She took one last look at the bathroom floor as the paramedics loaded Angel onto the stretcher and followed them to the hospital.

A few days after the incident Angel returned home with Mimi by his side. She refused to leave for fear of what he might do. The fact that he just told her he was HIV positive mad her worry even more.

"Mimi – chica," Angel called from the couch.

"Yes?" she questioned as she poked her head out of the kitchen.

"Come here," he said patting the battered cushion next to him. "Come sit."

She finished stirring the sauce she was making and sat at Angel's side, resting her head on his shoulder. "I've been thinking," he said.

"About?"

"Life. What happened a few days ago. Why I thought that would save me."

"Mhmm."

"I've come to realize that was stupid. So many things ran through my mind then that I can't explain and I don't know if I even want to. This illness and this attempted suicide have come to make me understand one thing. There is no future, no past. We should live these moments as our last, you know?"

"Yea." she whispered. "No day but today."


End file.
